No time for daily blogs anymore, but I would like to let you know we are not just surviving, but thriving. Maybe just trying to update in “categories” will work.
Sleep – Bedtime was definitely our biggest hurdle with Nick and Dennis. Initially Dennis woke up one to three times per night and needed help getting back to sleep, usually not a lengthy prospect. Nick would get up five to six times per night, flip on the light in the hallway and start screaming. It was a literal fight to get him back into bed. I do remember one night holding his rigid little body, trying to rock and relax him back to sleep thinking, “One day all too soon you will be twelve years old, going to bed all by yourself and feeling much too big to be held and rocked, and this will be only a sleepy, foggy memory.” I was scouring our parenting and adoption books back then for any reference to bedtime strategies, desperate to find “the” secret solution to our exhausting problem. I was less than encouraged when I read one parent’s account of bedtime problems, the strategy they used, and how she suddenly realized, six months later, how well bedtime was now going. SIX MONTHS LATER! Well, that’s pretty much how it worked for us, too. One day, about six months later, we discovered that they (and therefore we) were sleeping through more nights than not. They are still pretty naughty at bedtime for babysitters and grandparents.
Daniel? We were told at the orphanage that he went to bed after 7 PM supper and slept through until 7 AM, then napped from 12:30 to 3:30 or 4 PM every afternoon. He switched time zones like it didn’t even happen, but he does not sleep as many hours as he might have then. I get all my guys up at 6:30. The first few days Daniel woke up before 6:00, but now I wake him. He is very difficult to get down for nap. Emotionally, our adoption experts tell us, adoptees are like newborns and we must rapidly meet every need to prove we are trustworthy and that they are safe. I wouldn’t disagree with this, and Daniel ensures our rapid response by pulling on his face and leaving gouges down his nose and cheek if he gets very upset. We do let him work through his temper tantrums, we just have to be nearby to hold that very capable left hand. Once asleep, almost always with one of us at his side, he sleeps one-and-a-half to two hours. We let him sleep four hours one afternoon. He wasn’t tired at 7:30 bedtime, or 8:00, or 8:30, or 9:00, or 9:30, or 10:00. Finally at 10:20 he conked out. Now I cut him off after two hours or 3 PM, whichever comes first. He doesn’t fight bedtime as much, be we find ourselves in with him most nights until he is at least nearly asleep. Then he almost always sleeps through till morning. The first few nights (and last night) he did wake up twice, usually because he had fallen or crawled (?) out of bed. I tuck him in reallll good now! Sleep is such a good thing. I learned this back in the early Nick and Dennis days and am just thrilled to already be enjoying it with Daniel.
Food – Nick and Dennis had no problems at all in this arena. Dennis had Daniel’s same odd habit of drinking with his tongue underneath or inside the cup, but quickly grew out of it. Daniel is still awkward, but that is likely the cerebral palsy and we are eager to work with a speech pathologist. Nick and Dennis ate pretty much anything we put in front of them. Our main problem was realizing that they didn’t know when to stop. They had never had to self-regulate before since the orphanage only had just enough food for each child. We think Dennis went to bed with many tummy-aches as a consequence. He also jumped from a normal Body Mass Index to an “overweight” status in six months. He’s okay again now.
Daniel is another story. We ate oatmeal every morning (except Saturdays) for nine months straight because it was what the boys’ were used to and John didn’t mind. Daniel won’t eat it, at least not the stuff we have right now, and I admit the large “flakes” are a little too slimy for me, too. He doesn’t seem to like any soup we have served since coming home, and for the rest of us this is the lunchtime staple. He likes bread. He likes bananas. He likes cookies. He likes some crackers. The rest is a guessing game. Last week he learned to say “Pizza, please”, but when we had our weekend treat yesterday he wouldn’t even let it near his mouth. The pomegranate fruit bars he ate every time I offered last week landed in his car seat without a missing nibble today. He did eat his bratwurst tonight after John removed the casing and broke it up, but we haven’t found any protein source he will eat consistently. He does seem to like the vanilla-flavored Nutripals and Pediasure, but I was very disappointed to see they have no more protein than milk. John gave me a running tally on his “likes” tonight during supper: cauliflower; sweet potatoes, the brat as mentioned; broccoli not so much. Later we discovered he has mastered the trick of secretly feeding unwanted food to the puppy under the table. Sure look forward to getting the puppy! That has moved up on the list of priorities.
Siblings – I keep waiting for the jealousy and resentment to surface, but so far we haven’t seen it. True, Nick and Dennis would like to have our immediate attention during after-potty-chair-clean-up, rescuing-Daniel-from-the-lamp’s-electrical-cord or attaching-the-bib-to-the-boy-waving-his-milk-cup-around, but I have heard no suggestions that maybe it is time to return him after the trial period. Dennis particularly adores him and insisted I call him “Daniel”, too, the first few days home. I assured him I would miss my Dennis too much if I only had Nick and two Daniels. I am glad he is back to his own name. He wants to share everything with Daniel, and gets his feelings very hurt when Daniel doesn’t want whatever is offered (and jammed in his face). For some reason he really does NOT like stuffed animals and neither of the other two can comprehend nor accept this. He does, however, love, love, love bananas. We were headed up to Appleton and I brought half of a banana along for Dennis. Daniel loudly proclaimed his desire for the same. I told Dennis that the banana was his, and he could eat all of it, but if he wanted to he could share one bite with Daniel who would really enjoy it. Dennis promptly handed over half, and then saved another bite to share when he finished that. This from the boy who would share a mere crumb, just to copy his older brother who is a very generous giver. There has been plenty of emotionalism to go around, so I know we are all in the transitional phase.
And that will do for now. John is back to work full time, and I am working my three days per week. Wish I could get home earlier on the work days (never leave the office before six), but it is still a good balance for us. Blessings to all. JJNDD
