June 29, 2007 First Weeks at Home

Another memory from the first plane ride to London: three-year-olds, tomato juice and airplanes do NOT work well together! Nick's backpack bears a permanent reminder of that incident.

John is back to work full-time. Although it is hard for both boys, Nick especially, to accept that Papa can’t play with him all day and on demand, I am very grateful he is nearby when I need his hands or “eyes” in a pinch. I really can’t imagine doing this all alone all day, not yet, anyway.

The boys get up between 6 and 7 AM. If Nick wakes up earlier than 6:00 I put him back to sleep. So far we are sticking to oatmeal and bananas for breakfast. John gets up in time to let me shower before he starts work at 8 AM. The schedule listed earlier works pretty well. Between eating we play in the sandbox, play in the basement (full of marvelous toys from friends at church, cousins and other friends), run errands in “nasha machina” or go for walks: Nick in the stroller and Dennis in a pack on my back. I don’t go to the park alone anymore or let Nick walk on walks because he runs away, and if they go in two different directions I won’t be able to keep them safe. Hopefully Nick will be more trustworthy down the line.

John joins us for lunch, which is still soup daily, and Nick sits in his office while I first put Dennis down for his nap, then “tackle” Nick. They sleep from one to two hours, and I’m prioritizing what will get done each day, uncertain of just how much time I will have. Nothing new to any moms out there, I’m sure. I have a pretty three-piece teacup set we brought back from Ukraine, and I pour myself some roobios (red) herbal tea (technically a tisane). Maybe one of these days I’ll be able to drink it while they nap, too! We have a snack around 3:30 or 4:00, and then it is one of the activities listed above until John gets done at 5:00.

After supper we play outside or go for a walk, then it is bath time and teeth-brushing (new this week) followed by bedtime. We have had to move Dennis’ crib (and the changing table, all the books and every toy) out of what is now Nick’s room because it was just impossible to put them to bed at the same time and the stimulation was too much for Nick. I put Dennis to bed in the guest room across the hall while John reads to Nick and puts him to bed. Putting Dennis to bed takes as little as seven minutes and (rarely) as long as an hour. He likes to hold something in each hand. He rarely fights, but lies relaxed with his head on my shoulder while he fusses for a while. Sometimes he reaches for his crib before he falls asleep, but he still wants me there until he is completely out. Every sleeping time is a battle with Nick and we struggle to find a way to make it more peaceful. One of us stays with him until he falls asleep, we’ve added a night light, and after a discussion between him and our Ukrainian friend Veronika we’ve moved his bed away from the window and keep the door open as long as he is quiet (having explained that it has to be quiet because Dennis needs to sleep, too). She also found out he has been threatened with a particular monster (“bouy-bouy”), that is commonly used to scare children in Ukraine telling them that it will snatch them away. She and we have assured him that there is no “bouy-bouy” here, that Papa would never allow it in this house. Someday when we have more common language we will be able to reassure him more completely with the omnipresence and omnipotence of his loving heavenly Father and Savior.

The boys almost always get up overnight. Saturday night was the exception, when they both were asleep by 9:30 and slept until 7:00. We were so excited! As most parents experience, however, that was just a “tease”, and the very next night I was up with each of the boys twice. I generally am the one to get up, but Tuesday and Wednesday nights they both got up at the same time, so I had to call in John for assistance, and Thursday John fell asleep there and I don’t even know when he came to our room.

“Highlights” since coming home include their first visit to their pediatrician (one of my partners) on the first Friday. Nick willingly practiced saying “Hello, Dr. Zapolsky”, and even said it in the office. We were so proud. He continued to say it for the rest of the morning. Even saying “Dr. Zapolsky malah dyets” (good job). Nick was wonderful – being weighed, measured, and examined. Dennis had a much harder time, we didn’t get the weight until after the exam, but then he did stand on the “big boy” scale in the hallway. Nick’s urine didn’t have abnormal amounts of protein. Dr. Z already had all the paperwork filled out for their lab tests. They each received three shots, and will need more (but will not have to repeat what they received at the orphanage). I felt bad for poor Kaye and Marianne who had to give them.
Nick was a real trooper – crying so silently and not fighting for his “choot-choot owies” (a little owies) as we called them. It was really hard for us knowing we were going down to the lab next to have blood tests. Nick had to be stuck twice, and those quiet tears flowing down his face were heartbreaking. Dennis screamed through his draw, but bled like crazy and was very quickly finished. It was back to the “mahgahZEEN” (store) for more safety items and a search for sandbox toys. Nick continued to tell us “choot-choot owies, Mama” through the rest of the morning and asked to be carried. We complied, of course.

Saturday morning (the 23rd) we went out for breakfast at the Two Brothers Restaurant. I have been preparing “emergency” bags for each of the vehicles (diapers, wipes, cups, bibs, extra sets of clothing) and a take-along bag, but managed to forget a bib and sipper cup for Dennis. We managed. The booth where we were seated was helpful in containing Nick. I picked up the food Dennis spilled around his high chair when we finished. As an added bonus the hostess turned out to be a friend from Redeemer, the church I joined when I moved to Oshkosh eleven years ago. Her grandmother, Marge, was a member at the church, and Courtney played her clarinet in our little band/orchestra. She was thirteen back then. Now she’s entering her senior year of college!

Sunday (the 24th) we decided to take them to church and just see how long we were able to stay. We were very surprised when they lasted through the entire service which was lengthened by a baptism, adult confirmation, communion and a short message from a man safely home along with his family after serving with the military in Iraq. We have been praying for him nightly, and when we briefly met his family downstairs afterwards we learned that they have been praying for us, too. Cool! By the end of the day I remembered to call my sister and wish them a “Happy Anniversary”.

Monday (the 25th) was John’s first full day back at work, and I had my first venture out alone with the boys. We had collected the requisite three stool samples on three successive days from each and so went back to the clinic to take them to the lab. Nick recognized it, and without any hysteria pointed to his arms and said “choot-choot owies, Mama”. I quickly assured him “nee eshow owies, nee see-chess” which translates something like “no more owies, not now”. He was satisfied. We went back up to my office to say hello, collect a toy Kaye had purchased at our request while we were in Ukraine and a boom box, and, I’ll be honest, to show them off some more. People have been so encouraging and excited for us during this whole process I just really wanted to let them meet in person.

Tuesday (the 26th) our neighbors from across the street brought over all sorts of gifts from the Circle (Fireside, that is) for the boys: their own favorite activities including (washable) crayons and markers, Play-dough, paints, bubbles, a full ream of paper, a shovel and rake to use in their new sandbox and more. Just as we finished opening the last gifts, my friend Kathleen, also a pediatrician, arrived with her mother and daughter on their way from Milwaukee to spend some vacation time up North. We had a lovely few hours together assembling the riding toy they gave Nick, eating lunch and having conversations with our children that included Russian, Polish and English. Nick and Helena were adorable when we went outside to say good-bye and they stood holding hands without any coaching!


On Wednesday John had a 7:30 AM dentist appointment and Cassie an 8:00 AM grooming appointment. If it is tricky getting both boys in and out of stores, etc., adding a Cocker Spaniel didn’t help, and for some reason Nick was reluctant to enter the store. It had been hard trying to explain where we were and why Cassie was staying behind. For that matter we didn’t know how to tell him that John had to go to the dentist, either, having no idea what the Russian word for “dentist” is, or if he would know what that meant, anyway. We were able to pick Cassie back up at 11 AM and I don’t know if Nick see any difference in her appearance after her visit to the “kraseewee boutik” (his words prior to the appointment). Mostly her skin-growths seemed more obvious, I suppose.

In the afternoon we had a visit from Veronika, originally from Ukraine and currently doing graduate work in Ohio. She is in Wisconsin on a brief vacation and graciously spent the entire afternoon with us. We had decided Nick could forego his nap in favor of spending time with someone he could understand and be understood by, but as I drove to pick her up after lunch both boys fell sound asleep! We went to South Park, parked in the shade a chatted with the windows rolled down for about 45 minutes, then we drove back home and Nick finally, slowly woke up. It was great to have time to visit, especially some time to really talk to each other as well as time for her to get to know the boys. She was great with Nick, reading to him, building with him, “hiding” with him, pulling him around in the toy wagon Dennis had received from Kathleen the day before. We saw those sad tears again when we left her off and he had to say good-bye to another new, fun (Russian-speaking) friend. Fortunately it was 5 PM by now, so when we got home it would be “Papa see-chess” (now), not “Papa skora” (soon) or “patuum” (later).

Thursday John’s parents came for a visit. I took the boys out for another walk with stroller and backpack first, and then we had a nice time at the park before lunch. I had hoped to take them to South Park to play in the water sprinklers, since I had two extra people, but wouldn’t you know the hot snap would break today! Nick readily sat on their laps to be read too, and persuaded Grandpa to carry him part of the way to the park. Dennis was very shy at first, but he let Grandma Thur catch him at the end of the slide, and let Grandpa Thur feed him at the table. He is definitely warming up to them. The ham and potato soup they made was well-received, especially containing Nick’s beloved “kartoshka” (potatoes). After naps they discovered the plastic house down in the basement that friends from church had given us, their own girls all too tall to stand upright in it now. Nick was really excited to have “nash dom” (our house) for “Nick ee Dennis”. He loaded their two new large toys from Kathleen inside, then filled it with virtually every other toy in the basement while Dennis sat in my lap finishing afternoon snack. By then he must have figured he had squatter’s rights, because it took great emphasis on the “ee Dennis” (and Dennis) for him to share. Then he must have figured that if he just gave the other toys back to Dennis that would be adequate. It wasn’t.


Today (Friday) I toured a childcare center with the boys. Nick got wide-eyed at the humungous sandbox out in the former greenhouse. He wouldn’t respond to the three-year-olds who came over to meet him, but after we walked outside he pointed back to the three-year-old room and wanted to go back. Nap-time was a bit odd: they fell asleep during the before-lunch walk in the stroller and backpack and stayed asleep for 1 ½ (Nick) to 2 ½ (Dennis) hours. Later in the afternoon Bill and Lois came to see the boys and give us a gift from some people at church. They were both initially shy, but Nick quickly warmed up and was sitting in their laps to be read to. Nick went to sleep tonight without yelling – a first when he hasn’t “accidentally” fallen asleep without protest.

Tomorrow we are planning haircuts for all the men. When we take walks and meet new people we have been asked if Dennis is Nick’s sister. I finally understand how some mothers want to put off the first haircut – how much it can change their “baby-ness”, especially for Dennis. Oh well, it has to happen sometime.

Regretfully, most days have no time for jotting down the details of the day. Wish I could write about the neat episodes where Nick acts the kind big brother trying to help Dennis figure out how to get the plastic coins back out of the toy “bank” after each careful insertion, the love Nick has of music evident whenever he hears it or requests it at home or in the van or the goofy faces Dennis is liable to make at the dinner table. I might like to forget the exasperating naughtiness each is so capable of, the struggle to find appropriate discipline and the usual need for interventions for sibling rivalry. John likes the way Nick combines English and Russian telling him “edee come here” (instead of edee syu-dah), and how Dennis comes and grins and waves at him over the baby gate in his office doorway while he is working. John enjoys Nick’s negotiating skills – asking for a number of things he won’t get so when he gets to the thing he really wants he might get it (I find it a bit tiring). It is amusing to both of us to watch Nick correct Dennis’ behavior, and then break the very same rule himself, almost immediately. When we go for walks Nick asks for the identification of each and every vehicle we pass or passes us: cars, minivans, SUVs, trailers, vans, semis and of course the El Camino. His favorite is the pick-up truck, which he will now volunteer. For discipline he always has the option of apologizing and the episode being forgiven and over immediately. If he refuses, he has “time-ins” where we hold him for a specified count in the boring laundry room. The outcome of that is he can count at least to twelve in English (I heard him do it at least twice while he loaded the plastic house in the basement full of toys). Then there’s Dennis, who copies everything his big brother does, even if it gets him into trouble, too.

And then the things I’m learning, too. One night when it took Dennis an hour to get to sleep I had brought him back downstairs to rock (since the other rocking chair is in Nick’s room), and I was bemoaning all the other things I could have been doing during that extra half-hour. I caught myself. Seven years ago when I bought this house I looked long and hard for just the right rocking chair. It needed to be very “cushy”, be tall enough to lean back and rest your head, glide smoothly so as not to disturb a sleeping child and have cushioned arms for an arm holding a baby. Here I was, rocking my very own sleepy son in the peace of the evening. I thought then I might just rock him all night long for the sheer enjoyment of it.