Wednesday June 13, 2007 First Day Back in Kyiv

Weowwww – what a start to this day!
We arrived safely in Kyiv around 3 AM. Dennis slept nearly the whole trip, Nick not much. He sat up next to John, or on his lap looking out the window at the lights, the cars, the buildings, etc.
He did fall asleep just long enough that when got into the hotel room he figured it was a new day and let’s get going! Consequently he kept all of us up for a couple more loud, crying, protesting hours. Then, thankfully, John was able to calm him down for about 2 hours of sleep. John and Nick started in the bedroom at the outer edge of the apartment, but it was too bright to sleep, so they took the bedroom Dennis and I started in (where Dennis fell out of the bed) and we moved to the living room, where a coffee table against the sofa seemed safer, anyway.
At this point I deal primarily with Dennis and John with Nick, if that hasn’t been obvious. We are trying to let Dennis develop one primary secure bond to help him through these ongoing, tremendous transitions. He has had some nice snuggles and some “’guy-time” with John, especially those mornings when we had to wait for Nick. Nick was attracted to John from the beginning, and John has been great at figuring out ways to deal with Nick’s rebellious behavior, like having him be calm to the count of pyet (five) when he is on a naughty spree, and giving him the option of agreeing to obey or face unpleasant consequences. He also figured out that Nick needs warning before changes. For instance, we started telling Nick about fifteen minutes before the end of each session that “Soon we must return to the group.” The ends of our sessions changed from battles to a congenial packing up and rejoining of the orphanage groups. Like all parents, I wish we could figure these things out sooner, but it has been good progress with just 60 hours of interaction before Tuesday, I guess. John suggested this morning, and I concurred: the goal for today is we are all four still alive, and for getting home: we are all wearing some form of clothing.
I must have slept a couple of hours, but Dennis was restless unless I held him a lot of the time over night. At last I was able to lay him down without holding him at all. Sleep was pretty hopeless after 6:00 AM for me. The apartment we had just for that night was very bright and well-lit with sunlight – and nothing to cover the nice windows. I sorted out our food supplies, quietly, in the kitchen. Shortly thereafter John and Nick were up for the day. The apartment has four rooms plus the kitchen and bathroom, and the boys were fascinated with just everything = outlets, light switches, and Nick especially by the television, VCR and cable box. They just couldn’t leave anything alone. While I showered John was on “kid duty” and Dennis woke up. We tried to find some suitable food among our belongings. We had picked up instant kasha with raspberries, and that went over very well. Once John was showered we headed out on a walk, trying the used stroller we had picked up at the market in Kharkov for the first time. Both of the boys were awed by the city. Nick grabbed the stuffed tiger we gave him at our Kharkov apartment the day before (Dennis has a hippo, and Sasha’s expected baby has a lion) and readily held our hand (we traded off). He commented on the “machinas” (cars), but other than answering when we gave him the option of direction to walk didn’t say anything at all. He just looked and looked and looked. Dennis was more stunned, just sitting in the stroller with a glazed look. We walked to the end of the block (not the Ukrainian cafeteria end) and turned back to go to the underground mall. It just opened at 10:00 AM and our timing was perfect. At the tea shop we stopped to buy a couple of things. Purchases in the stores here are always removed from the box and each piece presented to show no defect. Electrical appliances are even plugged into to show that they work. While John observed the quality of each item I got down in front of Dennis and played with him until he was smiling and laughing.
We had everything packed up by 10:45 and were waiting for Sasha’s 11:00 arrival to help us move to an apartment we can use until we leave, and then to the boys’ noon medical physical. Sasha didn’t come until nearly noon, and it was really hard to occupy the boys with all of their toys, books, crayons, etc. packed away. With the major lack of sleep neither of us was in a very charitable mood, but Sasha is the kind of guy that you can’t help but quickly forgive, and especially as he grabs two heavy suitcases to lug them back down five flights of stairs. Back at the office the new apartment wasn’t ready, so we stored the large pieces of luggage there and the smaller things of the second load were stashed in Sasha’s trunk. Nick needed a little encouragement to get into the car. I don’t think he was afraid, I think he was more incredulous that he was riding a third “machina” within twenty=four hours.
It was about 12:30 when we arrived at the international medical clinic, but Sasha had called to make sure the doctor was still in (he generally works 8 – 12). He has a “good relation” with the doctor, and is allowed to schedule the adoption physicals at any reasonable time of the day. The doctor is very good with children. He speaks Russian (and pretty good English), and explained each thing he was going to do to Nick in advance. Nick was quiet and very well-behaved (as he is in every new , stimulating experience until he gets comfortable). Dennis cried a bit for his physical, but the doctor was able to calm him a bit, too, and get a quiet listen of his lungs and heart. After the physical examination he had to write up the report and then copies or some other paperwork needed to be completed, so we sat in the exam room and waited. Then we moved out to the waiting hallway for a bit more, and finally Sasha agreed to return later to pick up the documents. Of course it ended up extending through meal time and the first hour of nap time. I was armed with pretzels and water for the boys, but that only goes so far. Dennis went to sleep pretty easily after some lunch, so I slept for about an hour. John was never able to persuade Nick to nap (although he fell asleep briefly in the car after the physical). Maybe tonight???? Dennis slept two hours, a little less than is usual, but we hope he, too, will sleep tonight.
We have been in touch with Oksana here in Kyiv throughout our Ukrainian stay, and she came over after work to meet the boys. It was great to see her. She is in the final preparation phase for the summer GAiNUSA trip – the team arrives this weekend. We were so happy she had time to come for a visit. We ate at the Ukrainian cafeteria. She helped carry our food on her tray so that between her and John we had enough food for three adults and two children. Nick was happily over-stimulated and just drank it all in. We fed the boys green borscht (they ran out of the regular), boiled potatoes, some cottage cheese blini and bottled water. Amongst all the helpful advice we have received from those far more experience than ourselves, no one mentioned the “new parent diet” before. I didn’t drop any weight with all of the walking in Kharkov, but I likely will just trying to sneak a couple of bites in my own mouth while shoveling food into Dennis’ mouth as quickly as I can. When he gets food he wants to eat. Now. Of course there is always the matter of watching how close Nick’s bowl gets to the edge of the table, etc., but John is developing a pretty good eye for those things, too.
After dinner Oksana accompanied us to the underground grocery store across the street for supplies to get us through a couple more days here. We left Kharkov in a rush to be here first thing Wednesday thinking we would be able to have the boys’ physical exams in the morning, then go to the US embassy and have their travel visas that evening and maybe even catch a plane on Thursday. Well, something got missed in communication between the Sashas, and the medical exam was scheduled at noon, and the Embassy appointment not until 11:00 the next day, so evening leaving on Friday is looking dicey. We can’t even ask to change the tickets until we have those visas.
By the end of grocery shopping Dennis was pretty tired and although I started at 8:00 and he wasn’t asleep until 8:30, it was pretty easy compared to whatever John was up against with Nick behind the closed door in the bedroom. I am sleeping on the pull-out couch in the living room with two nice armchairs pushed together facing each other for Dennis. Nick had another temper tantrum, with one of those lengthy crying episodes (he can keep it up for an hour, then turn it off in the blink of an eye – probably the only way to get attention for yourself when competing with a group of ten other three-year-olds for the past year). But then I think John decided to give him the chance to prepare, like we did for the end of our visits at the orphanage and delayed bedtime for another half hour, telling him “Soon, it will be time for bed.” He still told John “nyet” when they came through our room to use the toilet, but it was a quiet, calm refusal, and once they went into the bedroom, I heard no crying or yelling. I stayed up until 10:00 writing and went to bed.